06 January 2013

2012: A Reflection

terzo piano portrait

Reflecting on the goals and resolutions I set for myself in 2012, I realized in retrospect that maybe, just maybe I put one too many things I wanted to achieve on my to-do list, and only accomplished a small handful of things. That said, I will be the first to admit that 2012 was one of the most trying and difficult years of my entire life. From heartache and an eventual breakup, to a death in the family, divorce, and every single person in my family moving to a new home in a short period of time, it was incredibly difficult for me to settle in and slow down enough to reflect on the crazy that was the last twelve months.

I think one thing I can say is that toward the end of 2012, I grabbed the bull by the balls (the bull being my life) and made a lot of important decisions that resulted in me becoming a much happier and healthier person. Choosing to end my relationship with Spencer, though incredibly difficult, was something that just needed to happen. I had not been happy for a long time, and learning to make a decision that would result in both of us moving forward with our lives is something that I do not regret. Subsequently, my swift decision to move out of my former apartment and live alone was probably the best decision I made all year. I knew I needed to leave. I knew I wanted to experience solitude, quiet, and the challenge of taking care of myself. I wanted to have to set up all of my utilities. I wanted to unpack my things. I wanted to befriend my landlord, and deal with getting my stove fixed. I wanted to deal with movers and furniture deliveries. I wanted to be alone, and know that I am fully capable of caring for myself.

While I might not have cooked my way through a cookbook, gotten into a yoga routine, eaten out less, or taken up painting again - I will say that the things I achieved in the last year have been immeasurable and life-altering. I feel like I spent much of 2012 sleepwalking, in a phantasmagoric state, unaware of myself and my daily discontent with the world around me. Taking the time for me, taking the time to reevaluate what it is that I want out of this life, and what it is that will make me happy - that was the most important achievement of this year. I wake up every day with a profound sense of joy and excitement to get out of bed, and I have to say, it feels exquisite. My appetite for the experiences yet unknown is insatiable.

So to 2012, I raise my glass, I thank you for the challenge, and I move on.


  1. I LOVE that photo of you. You're adorable Sandy Caribou.

  2. Sometimes the hardest years are the ones that make us who we are. Glad to have met you this year, my dear! Dream big 2013.