06 January 2013

2012: A Reflection

terzo piano portrait

Reflecting on the goals and resolutions I set for myself in 2012, I realized in retrospect that maybe, just maybe I put one too many things I wanted to achieve on my to-do list, and only accomplished a small handful of things. That said, I will be the first to admit that 2012 was one of the most trying and difficult years of my entire life. From heartache and an eventual breakup, to a death in the family, divorce, and every single person in my family moving to a new home in a short period of time, it was incredibly difficult for me to settle in and slow down enough to reflect on the crazy that was the last twelve months.

I think one thing I can say is that toward the end of 2012, I grabbed the bull by the balls (the bull being my life) and made a lot of important decisions that resulted in me becoming a much happier and healthier person. Choosing to end my relationship with Spencer, though incredibly difficult, was something that just needed to happen. I had not been happy for a long time, and learning to make a decision that would result in both of us moving forward with our lives is something that I do not regret. Subsequently, my swift decision to move out of my former apartment and live alone was probably the best decision I made all year. I knew I needed to leave. I knew I wanted to experience solitude, quiet, and the challenge of taking care of myself. I wanted to have to set up all of my utilities. I wanted to unpack my things. I wanted to befriend my landlord, and deal with getting my stove fixed. I wanted to deal with movers and furniture deliveries. I wanted to be alone, and know that I am fully capable of caring for myself.

While I might not have cooked my way through a cookbook, gotten into a yoga routine, eaten out less, or taken up painting again - I will say that the things I achieved in the last year have been immeasurable and life-altering. I feel like I spent much of 2012 sleepwalking, in a phantasmagoric state, unaware of myself and my daily discontent with the world around me. Taking the time for me, taking the time to reevaluate what it is that I want out of this life, and what it is that will make me happy - that was the most important achievement of this year. I wake up every day with a profound sense of joy and excitement to get out of bed, and I have to say, it feels exquisite. My appetite for the experiences yet unknown is insatiable.

So to 2012, I raise my glass, I thank you for the challenge, and I move on.

2 comments :

  1. I LOVE that photo of you. You're adorable Sandy Caribou.

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  2. Sometimes the hardest years are the ones that make us who we are. Glad to have met you this year, my dear! Dream big 2013.

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