07 January 2014

I Don't Paint Anymore

Allie painting in her blankie via FanPop
You know that scene in The Notebook where Allie says to her fiance (not RyGo) "I don't paint anymore" and to him, it's like, what's the big idea? But to her, it's a huge problem? I'm totally having one of those life revelations where I realize that I am a creative person who has had zero creative output since I graduated college, and as of today, my skin is crawling. I take pictures (albeit with my phone mainly), and I blog sometimes. I cook a lot, and that has some creative output. Put I don't paint anymore. I don't make little Rookie headbands, or doodle, or write letters, or brainstorm my next projects. I bookmark things to DIY, but seldom DIY at all. And I think I am driving myself crazy very very slowly.

When Allie runs away from "not RyGo," she runs away in part because she isn't painting anymore. Because she has stopped being a part of herself that she knows to be true and whole. She runs away from her other self, to a version of herself that is free, and paints trees in nothing but a blanket, in a studio space that was built for her just by RyGo. God damn, do people get why I love The Notebook?

So here's what I'm getting at. I used to paint. I used to do performing arts. I used to keep my camera in my bag every single day. I used to doodle trees and watercolor portraits of my friends. I used to draw pastel sunsets and insist on carrying colored pens in my purse at all times. I am stifled, but really, stifling myself. I keep hoping that some RyGo (RyGo being a metaphor) will come along and give me a studio full of paints, and the time and space to sit around in nothing but a blanket painting trees and making me breakfast. But the truth of it is - I need to be my own RyGo. I need to make my space, find my time, and stop saying "I used to paint" or "I used to be a photographer" or "I wanted to be an actress". I just need to start making instead of making excuses.

So enough of this "I don't paint anymore" bull. It's time for me to stop wishing and start doing. Even if I start small, with sketching or doodling or painting reproductions, I just need to make it happen, and I need it to happen now, because Corporate America 9-5's (ahem, 8:30-5:30's) are sucking the creativity out of me.

Dropping the Mic via College Humor

4 comments :

  1. You go, Girl!!! You'll get back into it in no time. Total faith.

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    1. Feeling oh so very inspired by you, Emma, and Allie from The Notebook. Like what the hell is stopping me from doodling??

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    1. Working on it. First goal is to dig up some watercolors. Also, trying to go to the Art Institute on Saturday :)

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